5/30/07

You've been accepted


There are many reasons that the hipsters cite as to why they moved to Kensington such as, safe neighborhood, affordable rent(if you're a rich hipster or yup sure. Its not cheap here), the diversity, access to public transportation etc., etc., etc. They also always say how they don't want to change this area into Park Slope or whatever other neighborhood that has been infiltrated, "I moved here cuz it isn't Park Slope"--- sure you did. They never ever give the real reason why they moved here which is that they couldn't get into the neighborhood they really wanted to live in. If they really wanted to live here then they wouldn't want to make it a mirror image of all the other hipster areas in the city they would just like it for what it is. I mean come on, I've heard these fools crying for a dog run/park--- what the hell is going on?

Kensington is like the safety school of neighborhoods. You know how students have that last option of school that they really don't like but in case they don't get into the schools they really want they at least have something to fall back on. The truth is these people didn't want to live here they wanted the Village but it was too expensive, they didn't get accepted. And so they search and find their fellow hipsters in the L.E.S. but they can't find a place. sorry but the early hipster gets the worm, thanks for your interest but you not accepted. And so even though they don't want to they have to make a voyage to Brooklyn(you can just here they hipster going ewwww Brooklyn). It isn't too long till they find the hipster haven of Williamsburg but again they can't find a place and when they do find one its in the section that isn't hipster-fied yet but rather in the section that still has natives slumming it and giving them dirty looks. the hipster decides its too expensive to be there and not with their brethren hipsters on the other side of the hood, so they were on the waiting list but ultimately didn't get accepted. Park Slope: too expensive. They continue to get rejected, they travel down to Windsor Terrace but more of the same. Until they find kensington: Congratulations on being accepted, please drive up our rents, our grocery store prices and annoy everyone.

Well since this isn't the neighborhood of their choice they have to change it to resemble it. The hipsters are like that scene from "Rushmore" where the kid is kicked out of his old school and now has to settle for public school. In his first day of class he asks to make a speech and says, "I think you've got some really great facilities and I'm really looking forward to making the best of it over here". Similar to the hipsters and how they talk about Kensington and then the truth comes out when the kid says, "One footnote, I noticed you don't have a fencing team. I'm going to start one up." That fencing team is the coffeehouses they want, the dog run(I still can't get over this), the trendy bars and restaurants, all that crap.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

i think windsor terrace was the neighborhood that i was telling you about that i saw being shown on the news as an up and coming place to live in brooklyn. yikes!

Anonymous said...

Anyone who knows Rushmore that well has to be a hipster.

Anonymous said...

BUSTED! nothing better than a self-loathing, anonymous hipster.
still, love the bile.
see you at the dog run - i'll be holding the triple latte.

Johnny said...

you're all obviously defensive about being hipster yups and not being liked by the neighborhood natives. I hope your three sizes too small t-shirts cut off your blood circulation or that your shaggy hair gets in your eyes while you're crossing the street and get hit by whatever.

Nothing personal of course

Anonymous said...

what do you mean, "not being liked by neighborhood natives"? they love me! i'm the one paying the developer who paid them $600k for their frame house so they could build luxury sheetrock condos that can sell for $500k per unit! i just hope fresh direct starts serving more of the area so i can get some decent food.
please tell me where you live so me and sufjan stevens http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sufjan_Stevens can come by and sing you a song!

Anonymous said...

if you're from boston you're not a native and obviously a yup

Johnny said...

Boston???

No interest in sports is a hipster/yuppie trait.

Not being able to distinguish baseball teams by their hat shows no interests in sports.

what it all means is

You = Hipster yup

Anonymous said...

anyone who uses hipster and yuppie as synonyms is clearly a true member of the cultural cognoscenti.

Anonymous said...

hey johnny this was a hysterical post - very funny! please post more, your blog is keeping us sane over here in light of the doings in other blog quarters. maybe a history of denny's? love that place.

and anon 6:03 - why should hipsters be the only ones who have the wherewithal to profess knowledge of independent movies and write wittily?